05-20-2007, 01:42 PM
In Goldie's reply to Don't be Shy she noted how great it would be to have a local support group.
I agree but can only do so much on my own.
I check this site on a regular basis but am at the point where even a small disappointment - as in no new entries - is more than I can handle most days.
Still I'm encouraged by the fact that there was 4,687 views to my original "starter" thread which tells me I'm not alone in this job.
So as a one last kick at the can attempt, I will re-cap my situation and hope someone else will come back with their story so we can make this a vibrant, supportive, informative and lively community.
I moved in to look after mom during the winter - she had a number of medical issues, was down to about 110 pounds and had Alzheimer’s.
She had entered the “wandering stage� and was escaping outdoors with no coat, no boots. She moved much quicker than dad and I realized he needed more than long distance help.
Initially I continued working full time - arranging for homecare to come in to help with personal care and meals.
About five or six months later I realized that being awake 22 hours a day was more than I could handle.
She had moved into the all-nighter stage.
The demands from work competed with the demands from home - home won.
I quit work at the end of June - expecting a relaxing summer sitting out in the sun - going for walks along the beach - picnicking on the verandah .....
I was wrong.
This lady who six months previously tried to escape every time dad’s back was turned - would not go out.
After hours of coaxing I could get her out to the verandah but within 10 minutes she wanted to go back inside.
It was a long summer.
My first goal was to get weight on her - so the majority of each day was spent trying to get food in her. We also spent many hours in doctor’s offices and ER’s trying to “fix� the stomach problem she was experiencing.
In between that I read everything I could find about AD.
The following spring we got the stomach situation fixed and she began once again to eat and gain weight. But mobility issues started to crop up. She was very unsteady on her feet so needed constant watching.
Still I was optimistic.
During my research I discovered that stimulation is a factor that needs attention with AD.
While I found the time on the verandah relaxing - the noise of traffic and people walking by the road hailing greetings - was just too much for mom.
It wasn’t the outdoors she objected to - it was the surplus of input.
I decided to try an experiment.
I created mom’s garden - an enclosed space at the back of the house. I put up fences, installed a pond with a waterfall to mask the sounds of neighbours and traffic - planted flowers each side. Painted the fence a multitude of bright colors so it would seem cheerful - put potted plants of every color, size, and shape all around. Hit the dollar store for little ornaments to place among the beds so her eye could focus on something, no matter which way she glanced.
It worked.....
She loved it out there.
And I was amazed that the stuff I planted not only survived, but thrived. I was hooked.
A gardener was born.
The following summer I expanded the in ground garden, put more pots up, painted the back of the shed which formed one side - painted two big cats on it to add to the whimsy - and we spent many enjoyable hours out there listening to music watching the plants grow - we even threw a garden party for dad’s birthday.
But my green thumb was itching.....
Spring number three I wanted more.....I had reached capacity in mom’s garden but an adjacent field beckoned.
By then mom was in a wheelchair full time so I decided raised beds with a walkway between, surrounding a gazebo would be just perfect for a stroll when we got bored just sitting around.
So with mom “supervising� I found a pick and shovel and went to work. Not sure she had any clue as to what I was doing, but she didn’t complain so......
I got four beds made and ready to plant.
Then I was able to arrange some respite and took a couple of weeks off - anticipating on my return I’d get the beds planted and gazebo underway.
Faith stepped in. Ten days after my return mom left - for good.
She wasn’t supposed to die in the spring - spring is a time for birth - a time for new beginnings - a time of anticipation.
I looked at the raised beds, the one pole that stuck out of the earth - the beginning of the gazebo - and I thought why bother, she won’t be here to stroll the paths with me.
Then dad rounded the corner on his scooter and I thought why not - ---
Gardening became therapy. I swung that pick - I hammered that wood - I hauled rocks for a rock garden - I hauled earth left right and center - I hoed, I weeded, anything and everything I could do to let out that anger - to fill in the day - to exhaust myself enough that sleep could come give me some peace.
The field of grass is no more.
A gazebo stands in the middle surrounded by raised beds which provided peas, beans, cucumbers, lots of lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, beet greens and swisschard - even a couple of heads of corn and lots of turnips.
The rock garden of herbs and flowers was a delight to the eyes and nose - another bed followed down the field - adding color to the lower end. I ended up putting flower beds along the outside of the garden wall and adding a shade bed under the end of the tree hedge which borders the property.
Yep the green thumb was definitely on the move....
I rounded the corner of the house one day and caught someone on a scooter raiding the carrot patch - picking, wiping them on his trousers, and downing them.
Dad has yet to say anything to me about the garden, but from that day on I knew he liked it lol....
We now approach the one year mark since mom has passed.
I’m still here caregiving - dad’s health and mental ability have taking a downward turn since his other half left us.
My tasks have multiplied as his contributions have declined, but I still find time to head outdoors.
I sneak in a few hours while he sleeps.....
This year so far - the shade bed has expanded the length of the hedge, two of the raised beds became one - I put in several rows in ground along the back end of the field for root crops. I dug out the floor of the gazebo - I plan to put in a concrete pad - and I added a flower bed along the garage.
In mom’s garden, I moved the pond and re-did the beds either side of it. My plan was to get it deeper so I could run a stream into it - and also to allow the fish to over - winter outdoors.
Bedrock foiled that plan......
Thus far I have potatoes, peas, carrots, beans and beets in the ground, as well as a variety of flower seeds in the various beds. Wildflowers, black eyed susie’s, sunflowers and holly hocks to name a few.
The strawberries from last year seem to have survived the winter so I anticipate a good feed from them and I put phlox, creeping seedwell, strawberry daiquiri, heuchera plant, another hosta, a yellow bush name unknown - and a couple of pansy plants (near the front) of the shade garden under the trees.
If this rain ever stops - more will be added......
Yep I’m hooked.....but I think mom would like it.
-30-
I agree but can only do so much on my own.
I check this site on a regular basis but am at the point where even a small disappointment - as in no new entries - is more than I can handle most days.
Still I'm encouraged by the fact that there was 4,687 views to my original "starter" thread which tells me I'm not alone in this job.
So as a one last kick at the can attempt, I will re-cap my situation and hope someone else will come back with their story so we can make this a vibrant, supportive, informative and lively community.
I moved in to look after mom during the winter - she had a number of medical issues, was down to about 110 pounds and had Alzheimer’s.
She had entered the “wandering stage� and was escaping outdoors with no coat, no boots. She moved much quicker than dad and I realized he needed more than long distance help.
Initially I continued working full time - arranging for homecare to come in to help with personal care and meals.
About five or six months later I realized that being awake 22 hours a day was more than I could handle.
She had moved into the all-nighter stage.
The demands from work competed with the demands from home - home won.
I quit work at the end of June - expecting a relaxing summer sitting out in the sun - going for walks along the beach - picnicking on the verandah .....
I was wrong.
This lady who six months previously tried to escape every time dad’s back was turned - would not go out.
After hours of coaxing I could get her out to the verandah but within 10 minutes she wanted to go back inside.
It was a long summer.
My first goal was to get weight on her - so the majority of each day was spent trying to get food in her. We also spent many hours in doctor’s offices and ER’s trying to “fix� the stomach problem she was experiencing.
In between that I read everything I could find about AD.
The following spring we got the stomach situation fixed and she began once again to eat and gain weight. But mobility issues started to crop up. She was very unsteady on her feet so needed constant watching.
Still I was optimistic.
During my research I discovered that stimulation is a factor that needs attention with AD.
While I found the time on the verandah relaxing - the noise of traffic and people walking by the road hailing greetings - was just too much for mom.
It wasn’t the outdoors she objected to - it was the surplus of input.
I decided to try an experiment.
I created mom’s garden - an enclosed space at the back of the house. I put up fences, installed a pond with a waterfall to mask the sounds of neighbours and traffic - planted flowers each side. Painted the fence a multitude of bright colors so it would seem cheerful - put potted plants of every color, size, and shape all around. Hit the dollar store for little ornaments to place among the beds so her eye could focus on something, no matter which way she glanced.
It worked.....
She loved it out there.
And I was amazed that the stuff I planted not only survived, but thrived. I was hooked.
A gardener was born.
The following summer I expanded the in ground garden, put more pots up, painted the back of the shed which formed one side - painted two big cats on it to add to the whimsy - and we spent many enjoyable hours out there listening to music watching the plants grow - we even threw a garden party for dad’s birthday.
But my green thumb was itching.....
Spring number three I wanted more.....I had reached capacity in mom’s garden but an adjacent field beckoned.
By then mom was in a wheelchair full time so I decided raised beds with a walkway between, surrounding a gazebo would be just perfect for a stroll when we got bored just sitting around.
So with mom “supervising� I found a pick and shovel and went to work. Not sure she had any clue as to what I was doing, but she didn’t complain so......
I got four beds made and ready to plant.
Then I was able to arrange some respite and took a couple of weeks off - anticipating on my return I’d get the beds planted and gazebo underway.
Faith stepped in. Ten days after my return mom left - for good.
She wasn’t supposed to die in the spring - spring is a time for birth - a time for new beginnings - a time of anticipation.
I looked at the raised beds, the one pole that stuck out of the earth - the beginning of the gazebo - and I thought why bother, she won’t be here to stroll the paths with me.
Then dad rounded the corner on his scooter and I thought why not - ---
Gardening became therapy. I swung that pick - I hammered that wood - I hauled rocks for a rock garden - I hauled earth left right and center - I hoed, I weeded, anything and everything I could do to let out that anger - to fill in the day - to exhaust myself enough that sleep could come give me some peace.
The field of grass is no more.
A gazebo stands in the middle surrounded by raised beds which provided peas, beans, cucumbers, lots of lettuce, tomatoes, carrots, beet greens and swisschard - even a couple of heads of corn and lots of turnips.
The rock garden of herbs and flowers was a delight to the eyes and nose - another bed followed down the field - adding color to the lower end. I ended up putting flower beds along the outside of the garden wall and adding a shade bed under the end of the tree hedge which borders the property.
Yep the green thumb was definitely on the move....
I rounded the corner of the house one day and caught someone on a scooter raiding the carrot patch - picking, wiping them on his trousers, and downing them.
Dad has yet to say anything to me about the garden, but from that day on I knew he liked it lol....
We now approach the one year mark since mom has passed.
I’m still here caregiving - dad’s health and mental ability have taking a downward turn since his other half left us.
My tasks have multiplied as his contributions have declined, but I still find time to head outdoors.
I sneak in a few hours while he sleeps.....
This year so far - the shade bed has expanded the length of the hedge, two of the raised beds became one - I put in several rows in ground along the back end of the field for root crops. I dug out the floor of the gazebo - I plan to put in a concrete pad - and I added a flower bed along the garage.
In mom’s garden, I moved the pond and re-did the beds either side of it. My plan was to get it deeper so I could run a stream into it - and also to allow the fish to over - winter outdoors.
Bedrock foiled that plan......
Thus far I have potatoes, peas, carrots, beans and beets in the ground, as well as a variety of flower seeds in the various beds. Wildflowers, black eyed susie’s, sunflowers and holly hocks to name a few.
The strawberries from last year seem to have survived the winter so I anticipate a good feed from them and I put phlox, creeping seedwell, strawberry daiquiri, heuchera plant, another hosta, a yellow bush name unknown - and a couple of pansy plants (near the front) of the shade garden under the trees.
If this rain ever stops - more will be added......
Yep I’m hooked.....but I think mom would like it.
-30-